


I Drive Myself Crazy

by Sidra



Category: Popslash
Genre: M/M, Make the Yuletide Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-07 19:36:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sidra/pseuds/Sidra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request: I like AUs or canon - but please no crossovers with other fandoms!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Drive Myself Crazy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [randomling](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=randomling).



**1\. Come To Me**

_Traveling through galaxies on telepathic roads_

AJ grumbled and rolled over, punched the pillow and pulled the covers over his head.

_So come to me_

He blinked groggily and raised his head, staring around the room. The early morning sunlight poured in through the flimsy curtains. Whatever had woken him had better be important, he thought. The dreary institutional decor wasn't any more appealing in the bright sunlight than it had been last night while partially obscured by the dim fluorescent lighting.

_Walking with my fingers and I'm creeping down real slow_

He pushed up on his elbows, and shook his head, trying to push away the last dregs of sleep. He was pretty sure he'd heard something. There was something going on out there, he just knew it. And it was highly unlikely to be something good. He was never that lucky.

AJ reached over and grabbed his sunglasses off the nightstand. Dr. Kravitz had tried to take them away from him during intake, but he'd refused. Emphatically. If there was something weird going on, he wanted to be armored against it. He got out of bed and stood with his head cocked, trying to make out distinct words, but couldn't quite catch them. He wasn't even sure where the song was coming from.

_Cause when I'm all alone, I lie awake and masturbate_

That word was unmistakeable and AJ moved quickly towards the curtains separating him from the next bed and peered through the gap where they overlapped. AJ felt his eyes go wide with astonishment (and lust) and was glad the involuntary reaction was hidden behind his glasses.

_Baby here I come_

Laid out in front of him was a sight out of his most erotic dreams. The man was lying on his back with the covers tossed aside, exposing his entire torso with only his feet still covered by the thin blanket. His eyes were closed, and his head was thrown back as he stroked himself. The tendons in his neck stood out and he was obviously very close to orgasm.

_So come to me_

AJ looked at the luscious man spread out, as if specially created for his sexual satisfaction, and before he could think better of it he said_,_ "I'm here."

And watched enthralled as the vision in front of him came.

**2\. Straight Through My Heart**

JC had decided early in his incarceration that there was nothing worth looking at in his cramped partition: the ceiling was bare, the curtains dreary. There were stains on the ceiling, but they weren't interesting stains. The curtains between the beds might have been the most dismal shade of green that he'd ever seen.

It was better not to look at anything, so that morning he closed his eyes and sank into his imagination. "Come to me," he thought to himself. "Lying here pretending that you're closer than you are..."

Right as he was about to come, he heard someone say, "I'm here," in a low, husky voice. It took him over the edge.

JC opened his eyes to see a dark ruffled head emerging from the curtains and he stared in amazement. It wasn't every day, after all, that one's demand for alien lovers produced quite such remarkably fast and tangible results. But this was definitely an alien, with two large dark brown, shiny plastic-looking bug-eyes staring back at him through the curtains. It had fuzzy black mandibles, and dark circles on the side of its neck.

He was a little disappointed that the alien looked more like a bug than a beautiful elven princess, but beggars couldn't be choosers. And it had never mattered much to him before what the sex, race or nationality of his lovers was, so he supposed he could get used to bug eyes and a fuzzy face.

"Hello alien lover," he said. "Have you come to take me away in your spaceship?"

"What?" asked the alien as the rest of the body followed the head from behind the curtains.

Unfortunately, it quickly became clear to JC that this wasn't an alien, come to save him from his life in the Institute, but just a man. A man covered in tattoos, to be sure -- and JC cringed at the thought of how up close and personal that meant the man in front of him had gotten with needles, not just once but many times -- but definitely a man. The alien eyes were just sunglasses and the mandibles merely a beard, an odd circle beard, but just a beard.

"You're not an alien," JC said. He felt somewhat aggrieved at this. "Why are you wearing sunglasses inside?" A sudden thought made him ask, "Are you a vampire?"

The alien, or rather, possible vampire, held out an arm and put it directly into the swath of sunlight streaming through the dirty window. "Do I look like I sparkle to you?" he asked dryly.

JC, undeterred, warmed to his theory. "Then maybe you're a vampire hunter!" JC sat up and leaned forward, dropping his voice. "Do you sing in smokey bars under an assumed name?"

_In the heart of the night when it's dark in the lights_

He cocked his head hearing the song begin to take shape. "With a group? Day Walkers! A group who band together to protect innocent mortals from vampires. Vampires who hunt for prey at bars and nightclubs."

JC could hear the song clearly now in his head, and he visualized the man in front of him on a stage, singing with a group while a beautiful vampire stalked through the crowd. He continued his story. "Sometimes the hunters become the hunted," he said, dropping his voice to a thrilling whisper.

_Straight through my heart, a single bullet got me_

"Did your friend pull your vampire lover into the sunlight where she burned up in a blinding white light?"

"No," said the man, firmly. "I am not a vampire, and neither was my girlfriend."

JC was extremely disappointed. If he couldn't have an alien lover, a vampire would have been interesting. And a vampire hunter would have been extremely cool. He was sure he could have learned a lot from a vampire hunter.

Oh well, these disappointments happened. All the time, actually. At least the girlfriend sounded like she was in the past tense.

_Straight through my heart. (Soldier Down)_

**3\. Everything You Want**

The man in the next bed was excessively strange, AJ thought. What in the world was he going on about vampires for? He was sexy, though. Very sexy. AJ wondered if he was supposed to be part of his cure. Immersion therapy, maybe. Probably not. He was never that lucky.

_Why do I feel the needs of guilty tendencies_

AJ knew he was a sex addict. It was why he was incarcerated here, after all. Well, technically it was because he'd cheated on the wrong woman, but that was just a symptom. That's what he'd been told, and he knew it was true. He just couldn't resist when sex was on the table. Or, in this case, the bed.

He let his eyes wander down the man still sitting nude in front of him and sighed. He could hear a song in his head clearly. He'd been expecting something of the sort. He was here for music therapy, after all. But he hadn't expected it to happen by itself, without a therapist.

_The more you get, the more you want_

That was very true. He wanted more than just to look. Even if the man in the bed next to him was an obvious lunatic, he was an extremely attractive one. His hair was curling damply around his face, and AJ could barely restrain himself from reaching out to run his fingers through it. He knew they wouldn't stop there. His eyes drifted down where his fingers wanted to go.

_Everything you want you just can't have it_

"Shut up," he muttered to the song in his head.

_Don't you want it, want it?_

He certainly did. But he was supposed to be here to learn some self-control, not indulge in all his guilty pleasures. What were they thinking to put him here next to this sex magnet? Perhaps it was a test.

Resolutely, he dragged his eyes up from the drops of come (which had yet to be wiped away), and looked the man in the eye. AJ sighed a second time. He was sure he was being tested now. They were gorgeous eyes: blue, or maybe grey, speckled, with a dark ring around the iris and deep laugh lines. AJ thought he might drown in them.

"I'm AJ," he said, trying to get this meeting back on a more normal footing. He jerked his shoulder at the curtain behind him. "I guess I'm your new neighbor."

"Cool," said the man. "I'm JC. There hasn't been anyone in that bed since the incident with the bubblegum." He reached for a tissue and wiped off his belly. AJ's eyes followed helplessly.

_Everything you want you just can't have it_

AJ decided this so-called music therapy would drive him crazy if he wasn't there already.

**4\. 100 Ways**

Now that he'd gotten past the first alien impressions, JC realized that this AJ was a lot cuter than Jason had been. JC wasn't sure what had happened to him after the bubblegum incident which had sent Jason screaming into the night, but he hadn't shown up in the padded room after that. Not that they'd missed him. He had not been good harmony.

He wished AJ would take off those glasses so he could see his eyes, but he was pretty sure they were interested. It was difficult to see what AJ was looking at, but he saw AJ swallow when he wiped the come off his belly. That had to be a good sign.

"Why are you here?" JC asked. Not that he really cared, but he wanted to get AJ to talk. He liked the sound of his voice.

_Speak your mind_

AJ shrugged. "I heard you talking. Singing, rather."

JC grinned. He hadn't been singing out loud, which meant AJ was attuned to him. He wondered if AJ was going to be the final fifth for his group. Maybe AJ had come to get him out of the Institute after all. Even if he wasn't an alien. Or a vampire.

"No, I mean, why are you here at the Institute for Social Reform through Music? What are you in for?"

"I'm not 'in for' anything, I'm here to be rehabilitated, just like you are," AJ said defensively.

_It's better for ya, don't be ashamed_

"It's cool," JC said. "You don't have to tell me." He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and got up. He was pretty sure AJ's eyes followed.

As JC got up, he thought he caught a glimpse of a tattoo around AJs belly button. He was interested and walked closer. As he neared he saw he was only a couple of inches taller than his new neighbor.

_Standing 5 foot 9 with legs high as the sky down to the floor_   
_There's a fire burning deep inside ya, that you can't ignore_

He could see the tattoo on AJ's belly clearly through the thin pajamas. JC decided the 69 was an invitation. "Wanna get freaky?" he asked.

AJ backed up a step. "What?"

JC closed the distance between them. He gestured at AJs belly. "69. Do you wanna?"

_Know it takes awhile to go through all the different ways_   
_(One hundred positions, we'll go through them all)_

AJ shook his head jerkily.

JC slowed his advance when it looked like AJ might bolt. "Then tell me what you like," he said. "I'm easy." He smiled crookedly. "It's all good."

_Speak your mind_   
_100 ways_

AJ's voice cracked a bit as he said, "You're testing me, aren't you?"

JC frowned. "Testing you for what?" he asked. He reached out a hand and lightly touched the tattoo on AJ's neck. "Didn't that hurt?"

AJ shook his head mutely, and sucked in his breath when that caused JC's fingers to drift along his jaw. JC reached up and drew off AJ's sunglasses. He stared down into the dark brown eyes and smiled slowly.

AJ whimpered. "Stop tempting me."

"That's not temptation." JC dipped his head the final few inches and whispered against AJ's lips. "This is." He closed the space between them. He was only able to enjoy the sensation of soft lips against his for a few seconds before AJ jerked his head away.

"What are _you_ in for?" he asked bitterly. "Aggravated seduction?"

JC stilled completely and then dropped his hand, still holding AJ's glasses, and backed up a step. He dropped the glasses on the side table, and nervously began to shred the tissue he was still holding in his other hand. "Oh, well. Violence, you know." He shrugged and looked down at his bare feet. He watched as his toes curled up in shame. "Excessive uncontrolled rage. Anger management. Stuff like that." He wished for a moment that he'd thought to put on his slippers. It seemed wrong to talk about anger with his toes showing. Toes were for fun and good times, not anger and bitterness.

_Speak your mind_   
_100 ways_

JC hoped he'd find his song soon. This one didn't seem to be it.

**5a. Thinking of You**

AJ hadn't thought his words would have such a strong effect on JC, who had appeared extremely self-confident. But now he just looked lost. His almost aggressive sexuality was over, at least for the moment. It didn't make him any less appealing, however.

"Dr. Kravitz, you have a visitor in the main lobby. Dr. Kravitz, a visitor in the main lobby."

The voice blaring over the loud speaker made JC jump, and he stopped contemplating his feet. He moved away from AJ and got dressed. On the one hand, AJ was sorry to see that breathtaking body covered up. On the other hand, if it had been a test, he'd been about to fail it miserably. Once JC had stopped pursuing him, AJ had found it difficult not to return the favor.

_Thinking of you..._

There was a faint wisp of a song, too soft to make out the words, but then it was gone.

JC seemed a lot smaller once he was covered in the hospital garb which looked to be at least two sizes too big. AJ frowned at the slight frame in front of him with the bent head and, remembering the curled toes, asked, "You're in for anger management? Really?" JC might be ripped, but he was otherwise almost dangerously thin, and didn't look like he could hurt a fly. Unless that fly was trying to abstain from sex.

JC shrugged. "Yeah, you know. Impulse control. Not beating up on people when they cheat on you with your sister."

AJ winced. He grabbed his glasses off the table and shoved them back on. He didn't like showing emotion. "Your boyfriend cheated on you with your sister? How'd you find out? Did you walk in on them?"

"Nope. We, um, we were on this talk show. Me and my sister. We were talking about our parents, what it was like to be in a mixed adoption family. I love her, you know, I would do anything for her, if I needed to I would stand in front of a bus for her. But... Um. Well. I guess I wasn't ready to give her my boyfriend." He shrugged again and grimaced. "They brought him out. I thought he was there for me, but..."

_I was such a fool_

Again, the snippet of song was so faint, AJ thought he might be imagining it.

"They set you up, and you're the one that's been incarcerated?" AJ asked.

"Oh, well. She didn't set me up. It wasn't her idea. And I don't think she knew he was my... Well. I haven't talked to her about it, really. And, um, well," JC said. "I'm the one with anger management issues, after all."

JC left and AJ went back to bed. He didn't understand much, but he knew that JC wasn't violent and this place was shaping up to be a lot more interesting than he'd thought it would be.

**5b. (I Drive Myself Crazy)**

Later that afternoon AJ decided that he'd been wrong: this place wasn't interesting at all. He was sitting in the dismal lobby, bored out of his mind. There was nothing to do. A sudden commotion made him realize he'd been wrong, also, in thinking that JC wasn't violent. He watched in shock as JC tried to yank the small TV on the far wall down on top of himself, screaming with rage. On the TV screen he could see JC beating up on a tall dude in a leather jacket while a girl sat horrified on the couch.

Two orderlies came over, and managed to pull JC away without bringing the TV down with him. They dragged him kicking and screaming over to a door in the far wall. It took both of them to restrain JC's flailing arms and legs.

Oddly, they immediately came back and rounded up two other guys, one of whom had tight bleached curls, the other with a dark red streak in his brown hair, and dragged them in too. Another patient, with dreadlocks pulled into a strange ponytail on the top of his head, followed them in without being dragged.

He watched Dr. Kravitz walk over and peer through a small window in the door JC had been dragged through. She made a few notes on her pad and then walked away. Curious, AJ got up off the sofa and wandered towards the door. Nobody seemed to be watching so he quickly looked through the window and saw a small room with light blue padding on all four walls, the floor, and even the ceiling. JC and the other guys appeared to be wandering aimlessly around the room. It looked like they might be singing, although he couldn't hear anything. Not through his ears, at any rate. The heavily padded walls must be sound proof.

_Why didn't I know it_

There wasn't anyone else in there except JC and the three other patients. Confused, AJ went back to the lobby and sat down next to another patient who was sitting there doing nothing. He looked approachable and not nearly as crazy as some of the other residents.

"Excuse me?" he said.

The other patient looked up and smiled.

"I'm sorry to bother you," AJ said, "but could you tell me what's up with that room?" He pointed over towards the blue padded room. "Um, I'm AJ."

"Howie," the man said putting out his hand to shake. "They call it group therapy." He winked. "We just call it 'the padded room'. Whenever someone has a meltdown they get put in there."

_Why didn't I show it_

AJ didn't think that made much sense. "How does that help?" he asked.

Howie shrugged. "It just does. You get put in there with the right group, and something happens."

AJ considered that for a moment. "The right group? Do you always go in with the same guys?"

"Not at first," Howie said. "You need the right harmony to make it work. When you get to the point where you're always in with the same group, you'll know you're making progress." He smiled and winked. "Soon after that, you'll be released."

AJ thought it was a stupid way to do therapy. The doctor hadn't even been in the same room with them. He hoped it actually helped JC.

_Oh I had the chance..._

He could almost hear a song in his head. Not the words, but the melody. It wasn't his song. He thought it must be JC's. He wondered why, though, if he could hear JC, he hadn't been rounded up and put in the padded room with him.

An hour or so later, he watched, incuriously, as a new patient was brought in through the lobby door. The new guy had bleached blond hair which stuck straight up. He raised an eyebrow at AJ as he passed and AJ saw clear light green eyes under uneven eyebrows.

_I drive myself crazy_

The song was still faint, but AJ could hear the words clearly this time.

**6\. The Call**

After a few weeks, AJ was intimately acquainted with the padded room and was starting to understand the process a little better. Howie had been there each time and he felt 'right'. The others didn't feel right, and they didn't return more than once or twice.

He hadn't found his own song yet. Mostly, he'd just paced around. But with Howie there he could feel the songs just under the surface. It was like they were waiting for something. Or someone.

_Listen baby I'm sorry_

He had figured out by this time why he wasn't in JC's group. He could hear JC's songs but he couldn't hear a thing from the rest of the guys.

Also, JC didn't really understand AJ's issues and couldn't be expected to do group therapy with him. JC would have sex with anything at the drop of a hat and didn't see anything wrong with that, so he couldn't really understand what AJ meant when he said he was addicted to sex. But addiction is only addiction when you can't stop yourself from doing something that you don't want to be doing. And AJ didn't want to be unable to control his own sexual impulses.

Most importantly, however, JC's group had obviously jelled. Lance, the new guy with the crazy green eyes, seemed to be the catalyst.

_Just wanna tell you don't worry_

JC had sung his song for the first time a week ago. It was the song that AJ had heard clearly the first time Lance had walked in the door. JC started to heal after he found his song. He hadn't stopped trying to get into AJ's pants, but his sexuality during the pursuit was less aggressive, and his withdrawal when rebuffed was less crushed. He also hadn't had a violent outburst since that first day, even when the talk show had come on again in re-runs.

_I will be late, don't stay up and wait for me_

After Chris (the guy with the topknot and, according to JC, impossibly high sweet voice) took over and sang the first verse the improvements came even faster. Justin, the one with the bleached blond curls, still wasn't letting anyone else sing a verse of his song, but the rest of them were doing well. The whole point of the padded room was to sing as a group. Eventually Justin would figure that out as well.

AJ looked up as a tall guy with floppy pale blond hair came in through the admitting door. He looked cute, but sulky.

_We're going to a place nearby_

AJ turned around and looked behind him. He thought he'd heard something. Maybe one of JC's songs. But when he found JC, he was busy talking to one of the orderlies, so it hadn't been him. Weird.

_Gotta go!_

AJ whipped his head around again, and found the new patient standing right behind him.

"Hi. I'm Nick."

**7\. Here We Go**

The next day, AJ was chatting with Nick and Howie, when he heard a new song from JC -- well, it was probably JC's whole group, but as usual, it was only JC he could hear.

_Here we go one more time_

It sounded strong and clear. Not like the few times he'd heard a bit of harmony from JC as he sang backup on one of the other guys' songs. More like the times when he sang his own song. But not quite.

_Everybody's feeling fine_

This song was completely different from that sad, melancholy one. It had a happy, bouncy, party feel. AJ watched as Dr. Kravitz walked over and looked in the window, as always. He felt his stomach clench when she opened the door, walked in, and closed the door behind her. That was different.

The song got louder and the door opened again in a rush, and the group poured out laughing and jumping around. JC was laughing so hard his eyes had completely disappeared.

_Just get up, feel the flow_

AJ wished now he hadn't resisted JC quite so hard. He hoped he hadn't lost his chance forever. He didn't think asking Dr. Kravitz if JC could come back for a conjugal visit would go over very well.

_And here we go_

**8\. In Pieces**

_So I lay awake another hour_   
_Just like the one before_

A month after JC had left the institute, AJ decided he wasn't going to bother getting out of bed any more. He was happy for JC. He was. Obviously his healing and getting out of this place was worth any amount of heartache on AJ's part.

But he missed him, horribly. He'd heard from him a few times on the telephone, but it wasn't the same. Interesting. Sexy even, but not the same. He wished that he'd given in to just one of the many advances JC had made. Maybe he'd been wrong about resisting sex. It obviously hadn't helped him make any progress. It just made him fantasize more about what he'd missed.

_Just leave me here in pieces_

He was starting to think he'd never get out of the Institute. He refused to get up just so that he could get dragged into the padded room, yet again when something was still missing.

_In pieces_

He, Howie, and Nick had been joined by Kevin, another tall guy with scary eyebrows, but it wasn't enough. They had managed a few songs together, but nothing they could sing for Dr. Kravitz. And AJ had not sung his own song yet, although he was pretty sure it was going to be the one he'd first heard the day Nick was admitted.

He heard movement on the other side of the curtain, and wanted to hide. How could they have reassigned JC's bed so quickly. Didn't they have any respect for his broken heart?

_Just wake me up when it's over_

**9\. Everybody**

He heard the steps coming closer, and before he could put his sunglasses on, the curtains opened. The head that looked in on him had short blond hair, a pixieish face with crazy high cheekbones, and bright blue eyes.

_Am I the only one?_

"Hi," the head said cheerfully. "I'm Brian."

_Brothers, sisters, everybody sing_

AJ decided to get up. Maybe it wouldn't be that long until he sang his song, after all. Then he'd be out of here, ready to find a new one with JC.

_Everybody, rock your body_

AJ was looking forward to his future for the first time in a long time.

_Backstreet's back, all right!_


End file.
